With thanks to Arjan de Weerd
THE VELVET UNDERGROUND - WHITE LIGHT / WHITE HEAT (1968)
White light, go on messing up my mind
Don't you know it's gonna make me go blind?
White heat, it tickles me down to my toes
Have mercy, white light, have it, goodness knows
White light, go on messing up my brain
White light, it's gonna drive me insane
White heat, it tickles me down to my toes
White light I said now, goodness knows, do it
I surely do love to watch that stuff shooting itself in
Watch that side, watch that side, don't you know, gonna be dead and bright
Yeah, foxy mama, watch her walking down the street
Come upside, your head's gonna make a dead end on your street
White light, move in me and drain my brain
White light, it's gonna make me real' go insane
White heat, it tickles me down to my toes
White light, I said now, goodness knows
White light is lighting up my eyes
Don't you know it fills me up with surprise?
White heat, tickle me down to my toes
White light, I tell you now, goodness knows
Oh, she surely do move, speed
Watch that speed freak, watch that speed freak, everybody gonna make it every week
Sputter mutter, everbody's gonna kill their mother
Here she comes, here she comes, everybody get it, gonna make me run, do it
Higher
Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit
It was now mid-August, which meant he'd been separated from Marsha for more than two months
Two months, and all he had to show was three dog-eared letters and two very expensive long-distance phone calls
True, when school had ended and she'd returned to Wisconsin and he to Locust, Pa., she had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity
She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement, she would remain faithful
But lately Waldo had begun to worry. He had trouble sleeping at night, and when he did, he had horrible dreams
He lay awake at night, tossing and turning under his depleted quilt protector, tears welling in his eyes
As he pictured Marsha her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothings of some Neanderthal
Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion, it was more than the human mind could bear.
Visions of Marsha's faithlessness haunted him, daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts
And the thing was, they wouldn't really understand how she really was
He, Waldo, alone understood this. He had intuitively grasped every hook and cranny of her psyche. He'd made her smile
She needed him - and he wasn't there...
The idea came to him on the Thursday before the Mummers Parade was scheduled to appear
He had just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons' lawn for $1.50
and had checked the mail box to see if there was at least a word from Marsha
There was nothing but a circular form from the Amalgamated Aluminium Company of America inquiring into his awning needs
At least they cared enough to write. It was a New York company. You could go anywhere in the mail. Then it struck him.
He didn't have enough money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion, true, but why not mail himself? It was absurdly simple
He would ship himself parcel post, special delivery
The next day Waldo went to the supermarket to purchase the necessary equipment
He bought masking tape, a staple gun and a medium-sized cardboard box, just right for a person of his build
He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably
A few airholes, some water, of course some midnight snacks, and he would probably be as good as going tourist
By Friday afternoon Waldo was set. He was thoroughly packed, and the post office had agreed to pick him up at three o'clock
He'd marked the package "fragile", and as he sat curled up inside, resting on the foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included
He tried to picture the awe and happiness on Marsha's face as she opened the door, saw the package, tipped the deliverer
And then opened it to see her Waldo finally there in person. She would kiss him, and then maybe they could see a movie
If only he'd thought of this before...
Suddenly rough hands gripped the package, and he felt himself borne up. He landed with a thud in a truck and was off
Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair. It had been a very rough weekend
She had to remember not to drink like that. Bill had been nice about it, though
After it was over he'd said that he still respected her and, after all, it was certainly the way
of nature, and even though, no, he didn't love her, he... did feel an affection for her
And, after all, they were grown adults. Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo... But that seemed many years ago
Sheila Klein, her very, very best friend walked in through the porch screen door and into the kitchen
"Oh God, it's absolutely maudlin outside.", "Ach, I know what you mean. I feel all icky."
Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk outer edge
Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table, licked her fingers and made a face
"I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills, but" - she wrinkled her nose - "they make me feel like throwing up."
Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, an exercise she'd seen on television
"God, don't even talk about that."
She got up from the table and went to the sink, where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins.
"Want one? Supposed to be better than steak', and attempted to touch her knees. "I don't think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again."
She gave up and sat down, this time nearer the table that supported the telephone
"Maybe Bill will call", she said to Sheila's glance
"After last night I thought you'd be through with him."
"I know what you mean. My God, he was like an octopus, hands all over the place"
she gestured, raising her arms up in defence.
"Thing is, after a while you get tired fighting with him, you know, and after all I didn't really do anything Friday and Saturday,
so I kind of owed it to him, you know what I mean." She started to scratch
Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth. "I'll tell you, I felt the same way, and even after a while"
Here she bent forward in a whisper - "I wanted to." And now she was laughing very loudly
It was at this point that Mr. Jameson of the Clarence Darrow Post Office rang the door bell of the large stucco colored frame house
When Marsha Bronson opened the door, he helped her carry the package in
He had his yellow and green slips of paper signed and left with a fifteen cent tip
that Marsha had gotten out of her mother's small beige pocket book in the den
"What do you think it is?" Sheila asked
Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back
She stared at the brown cardboard carton that sat in the middle of the living room
"I don't know."
Inside the package Waldo quivered with excitement as he listened to the muffled voices
Sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the center of the carton
"Why don't you look at the return address and see who it's from?"
Waldo felt his heart beating. He could feel the vibrating footsteps. It would be soon
Marsha walked around the carton and read the ink-scratched label. "Oh God - it's from Waldo!"
"That schmuck!" said Sheila. Waldo trembled with expectation."You might as well open it", said Sheila.
Both of them tried to lift the stapled flap.
"Arhh...", said Marsha, groaning, "He must have nailed it shut." They tugged at the flap again
"My God, you need a power drill to get this thing opened!" They pulled again.
"You can't get a grip!" They both stood still, breathing heavily
"Why don't you get a scissor", said Sheila.
Marsha ran into the kitchen, but all she could find was a little sewing scissor
Then she remembered that her father kept a collection of tools in the basement
She ran downstairs, and when she came back up she had a large sheet metal cutter in her hand
"This is the best I could find." She was very out of breath
"Here, you do it. I'm gonna die." She sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily
Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape and the end of the cardboard
But the blade was too big and there wasn't enough room. "God damn this thing!" she said, feeling very exasperated
Then, smiling: "I've got an idea!" "What?" said Marsha
"Just watch!", said Sheila, pointing her finger to her head
Inside the package Waldo was so transfixed with excitement that he could hardly breathe
His skin felt prickly from the heat, and he could feel his heart beating in his throat. It would be soon
Sheila stood quite upright and walked around to the other side of the package
Then she sank down to her knees, grasped the cutter by both handles, took a deep breath
and plunged the long blade through the middle of the package
through the masking tape, through the cardboard, through the cushioning,
and right through the center of Waldo Jeffers' head, which split slightly,
causing little rhythmic arcs of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun
Lady Godiva, hair dressed so demurly
Pats the head of another curly-haired boy
Just another toy
Sick with silence, she weeps sincerely
Saying words that have all so clearly been said
So long ago
Draperies wrapped gently 'round her shoulders
Life has made her that much bolder now
That she found out how
Dressed in silk, clad in lace and envy
Pride and joy of the latest penny fair
Pretty passing care
Her hair today now are dipped in the water
Making love to every poor daughter's son
Isn't it fun?
Now today, propping grace with envy
Lady Godiva peers to see if anyone's there
And hasn't a care
The doctor's coming, the nurse thinks sweetly
Turning on the machines that neatly pump air
The body lies bare
Shaved and hairless, what once was scraming
Now lies silent and almost sleeping - the brain
Must have gone away
Strapped securely to the white table
Ether causes the body to wither and writhe
Underneath the white light
The doctor arrives, knife and baggage
Sees the growth as just so much cabbage
That must now be cut away
Now comes the moment of great, great, decision
The doctor is making his first incision
One goes here, one goes there
"The ether tube's leaking", says someone, "Who's sloppy?"
The patient, it seems, is not so well sleeping
His screams echo up the hall
"Don't panic, someone give him pentathol instantly"
The doctor removes his blade, cagily so from the brain
"By my count of ten - the head won't move!"
Now, if she ever comes now, now, if she ever comes now, now
If she ever comes now
Now, if she ever comes now, now, if she ever comes now, now
If she ever comes now
Oh, it looks so good, oh, she's made out of wood
Just look and see
Now, if she ever comes now, now, if she ever comes now, now
If she ever comes now
Now, if she ever comes now, now, if she ever comes now, now
If she ever comes now
Oh, it looks so good, oh, she's made out of wood
As you can see
Oh, she's made out of wood as you can see
She's made out of wood
If she ever comes, if she ever comes now, now
If she ever comes now, now
If she ever
Here it comes down now, she's gone, gone, gone
Ready, ready, ready, ready, got my eyes wide open
Ever since I was on cripple Monday, got my eyeballs on my knees, OK baby, walk it
I rapped four hours with mad Mary Williams, she said she never understood a word from me
Because I know she cares about me
I heard her call my name heard her call my name
I know she's long dead and gone heard her call my name
Still it ain't the same heard her call my name
When I woke up in the morning mama heard her call my name
I heard her call my name heard her call my name
And I felt my mind split open wide heard her call my name
Doc and Sally inside, they're cooking for the down five
Who're staring at Miss Rayon, who's busy licking up the pigpen
I'm searching for my mainline, I said I couldn't hit it sideways
I said I couldn't hit it sideways, just like sister Ray said
Rosy and Miss Rayon, they're busy waiting for her booster
Who just got back from Carolina, she said she didn't like the weather
They're busy waiting for her sailor, who said he's just as big as ever
He's just here from Alabama, he wants to know a way to earn a dollar
I'm searching for my mainer, I said I couldn't hit it sideways
I said I couldn't hit it sideways, just like sister Ray said, play it on
Cecil's got his new piece, he cocks and shoots it between three and four
He aims it at the sailor, shoots him down dead on the floor
"Oh you shouldn't do that, don't you know you'll stain the carpet?
Don't you know you'll stain the carpet?
And by the way, have you got a dollar?"
Oh no man, I haven't got the time time, too busy sucking on a ding dong
She's too busy sucking on my ding dong, she does it just like sister Ray said
I'm searching for my mainline, I said I couldn't hit it sideways
I said I couldn't hit it sideways, just like sister Ray said, come on
Now who's that knocking? Who's that knocking on my chamber door?
Now could it be the police? They've come to take me for a ride ride
Oh, but I haven't got the time time, too busy sucking on my ding dong
She's too busy sucking on my ding dong, oh now just like sister Ray said
I'm searching for my mainline, I couldn't hit it sideways
I couldn't hit it sideways, just like, oh just like, oh just like